Jak's Headache
by Light-Eco-Sage
Summary: Two people love each other, but Jak isn't very happy about it. But what happens when Jak needs to seperate into his separate personalities? Choas, that's what. DarkxLight! OMG! Yaoi! Also minor JakxKeria.
1. Default Chapter

**Jak's Headache**

**By Light-Eco-Sage**

**Rated: PG-13 for an… unusual pairing (To be kept a secret and it is Yaoi, that's all I'm saying), minor JakxKeira, and language.**

**Summery: Yet another 'Jak has a problem' fic. But this one hits much closer to home. Two people love each other, but Jak isn't happy with it at all.**

**Disclaimer: I own squat. So there!**

**Spoilers: Yes, Jak 3.**

**LES: This story was going to go in myone-shot humor collection, but I couldn't think ofmany jokes. The jokes I did think of, however, are still in there.The pairing may be one that I have personally never seen, but I think it's cute. This is perhaps the first Yaoi pairing that I like.

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It was two weeks after Jak had defeated Erol… again. Sadly, it wasn't a very fair fight. Erol had a huge teraformer that he used to stomp all over the desert and Jak just had himself. Erol never stood a chance… However, now it was safe to say that Erol was rotting in Hell… hopefully.

Anyway, I am not here to debate whether Erol was still alive or not, but to tell you the story of what happened to Jak not two weeks after he destroyed Erol in that unfair fight.

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It started out a normal day. Jak was awoken in the morning by his newly formed 'fan club' banging at the door. Jak then scared them all away by threatening to go Dark and eat them all. The people were scared away, but Jak knew they'd be back the next day to bug him again. He hoped that the threats kept holding up because if they knew the truth…

But Jak didn't want to think about it. He had enough headaches as it was! Besides… it was way too early to be thinking about that kind of stuff. Jak went silent for a few moments as he listened to… something. Suddenly, his face twisted into one of disgust and he decided that he needed a drink… now!

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(Naughty Ottsel)

"Oh my God!" Daxter complained as he worked to turn his bar, which had so recently been a Southern HQ for the war back into one of the top bars in the City. He had just found yet another stash of military junk. "Torn! I told you to get all this crap OUT!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, your Godliness." Torn said sarcastically, bowing to Daxter. "I do hope you won't turn me into a Yakkow!" Torn sneered.

Daxter glared at Torn. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood." Daxter said, just to cover up the fact that he really couldn't turn Torn into a Yakkow. But Torn knew better.

"Thank you. I'm so thankful you let me live." Torn sneered.

"Stupid ass Torn and his stupid ass military crap." Daxter grumbled.

Suddenly, the door swooshed open and Jak strolled into the bar. "Dax, drink, now!" Was all he said as he threw himself into a stool by the bar.

"But, Jak, you don't drink!" Daxter said.

"Just shut up and get me a damn drink. And make it a strong one too. I don't want to hear my head anymore." Jak said.

Daxter stared at Jak. "Okay, I know just the thing." Daxter went off to prepare Jak's drink.

Torn walked up and sat next to Jak. "Hey, the rat's right. I've never seen you drink. What's up?"

"Nothing." Jak muttered. "Just a headache."

"And you do know that you'll get a hangover from drinking, right? Drinking will only make it worse." Torn said. "Even you aren't that stupid. What's going on?"

"None of your business. I'll take care of it." Jak snarled. At that moment, Samos and Keira walked in.

"Jak, my boy, how are you?" Samos asked.

"Fine…" Jak began.

"Something's eating him." Torn said. Jak glared at him.

"Really?" Keira asked.

"No!" Jak spat. "I'm fine! I just need a drink." At that moment, Daxter came back with a cup full of a rather deadly looking neon-green drink. Jak picked up the cup and nearly downed half of it before he stopped for a coughing fit.

"You shouldn't drink it that fast, Jak." Daxter said. "That's Lurker brew, that is." Jak set the drink down and fidgeted on the stool, as if he were uncomfortable.

"Damn, not working." Jak said as he drank some more, completely ignoring Daxter's advice. He downed the whole thing and coughed some more.

Everyone stared. "Damn, that's got to be a new record. I've never seen someone down Lurker brew that fast." Daxter said.

"What's going on, Jak?" Keira asked.

If anything, Jak's fidgeting seemed to only get worse. "It's nothing. I just need another drink." Jak said, shifting on the stool.

"No way! I'm not going to pay to have you sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning!" Daxter said.

"Jak, you're fidgeting." Keira said.

"No I'm not." Jak said. At that moment, his left eye twitched, showing that something was up. Even though all this, he continued to fidget.

"Damn Jak, stop that! You look like you've got ants in your pants!" Daxter said.

Jak growled. "I don't ever want to hear you use the phrase 'in your pants' again!"

"What? Do you have something against pants or something? You should've been the one turned into a Precursor!" Daxter said.

"The rat is right. You are fidgeting an awful lot, Jak." Samos said.

"You know what… he didn't start fidgeting until Samos and Keira walked into the room…" Daxter pieced the information together the only way he knew how. "Oh my God!" Daxter shook his head. "Jak, we ALL know you like Keira, but that's no reason to go all…"

"Shut UP DAX!" Jak roared. "It's not like that! It's…" Jak caught himself before he gave away his dreadful secret.

"It's… what, Jak?" Samos asked, relived that Jak didn't feel 'that way' about his daughter.

"No, you guys will never live it down." Jak said.

"Don't worry, it's probably not as bad as you think it is." Keira said.

"You'll laugh." Jak said.

"No, we won't." Torn said.

"Oh sure, that's what you say. And then what happens later? You laugh." Jak said.

"Please, Jak." Keira begged, putting a slim hand on his arm. "You can tell me anything." Jak knew that this move was loving, and he could hear protests in the back of his mind.

"It's… my alter egos." Jak said, getting prepared for the laughter.

"Dark and Light?" Daxter asked.

"No." Jak said sarcastically. "Of course them! How many alter egos do I have?"

"Well, what about them?" Samos asked.

"They… they…" Jak stuttered. He paused, taking a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. "They… love each other."

There was silence for about two minutes while everyone processed this information. "Oh my God." Daxter finally said. "Are you saying that your alter egos are gay… with each other?"

"How… how do you know this?" Keira asked.

Jak pointed to his head. "I can hear them… all the time." Jak growled. "It drives me crazy! All the time, they are talking about WHAT they would do IF they each had their own bodies! They are always telling the other how MUCH they love each other! They are always spouting sentimental mush to each other! They constantly hound me to find a way to get them their own bodies so they can… take their 'relationship' to the 'next level'!"

"Eww…" Everyone said at once.

"Now… will you please give me that drink? I don't want to hear them." Jak said.

"Okay. I'll give you that drink. Even if it means you have to go to the hospital to get your stomach pumped." Daxter said, heading off to get Jak his drink, because he sooo needed it.

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(Inside Jak's head.)

"Why can't they see?" Light Jak wondered. "If only they couldsee the way we feel about each other. They'd understand."

"I don't know." Dark Jak said, giving Light Jak a small kiss on the forehead. "That's just the way the world is."

"Well, no matter what the world thinks… I love you." Light Jak said.

Dark Jak smiled. But not a 'you're-about-to-be-disemboweled' smile, it was a loving smile. "I love you, too."

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**LES: I don't know. Has someone done a DarkLight fic yet? This was very weird. I thought this up in English class. I just started wondering, 'What if Dark Jak and Light Jak loved each other?' Sadly, I had to wait to get home to do it, but here it is. A romance fic between Dark Jak and Light Jak! I am so weird.**


	2. The Problem

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**LES: That's right! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of Jak's Headache! Yeah right, suckas!**

**Jak: Oh no! Not again! I'm still having nightmares over the first one!**

**LES: Well… I was mostly surprised by the reviews I got, which ranged from 'Barf' to 'Ew' to 'Original' to 'CUTE!'. But many, many people demanded a continuance. I didn't know so many people would get a kick out of DarkLight. Anyway, thanks for the ideas and suggestions! To the one who suggested that they could have mutant children, I have one thing to say: Sorry. I am tolerate of Yaoi fics because Yaoi does happen in real life. But I will never tolerate M-Preg because it is physically, never gonna happen, it'll be a cold day in hell before a biological male gets pregnant! It's not biologically possible, get over it.**

**Light: But we ****rule the world.**

**LES: Sure, why not.**

**Dark: (Is tied up) Save me!**

**LES: Shut up, and start making out with Light! It will be nice to have some fans from the Yaoi fan base.**

**Dark: (Looks at Jak) Kill me! Just kill me now!**

**Jak: No. Kill me. Please.**

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So, it had been some time since Jak had confessed to his friends that his two Alter-Egos had somehow, against all normal reasoning and logic, had fallen in love with each other. It would never be clear if this was queer behavior, or some sort of demonic narcissism. 

But, the point was, queer or not, Jak now had two Alter-Egos that were completely in love with each other. And this was driving a very straight Jak insane.

After he had endured getting his stomach pumped for consuming a hellava lot of booze, the doctors told him to lay off the booze for a while. Jak had not been pleased. He had drunk until he quite literally could not hear the voices in his head anymore. In other words, he was near-comatose. Now even booze couldn't save him from his Alter-Egos.

And, what's worse, because all three were locked in the same body, and because they would flirt constantly, they were even affecting their host in ways that neither had done before. Jak now had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night, aroused and panting with lust when his dreams had been anything _but_ sexual. It was his Alter-Egos, Jak knew it. It was their fault he couldn't go a single night without feeling the pangs of lust!

At least Daxter didn't know that little tidbit, nor did any of his friends.

What they did know was that the confusing mix of sexual feelings, his own and his Alter-Egos, had turned the elf into something of the ultimate bisexual. That had been famously demonstrated at the Naughty Ottsel several days ago. In an attempt to get Jak to forget about his Alter-Egos and remind him of his true sexuality, Keira had jumped him in a passionate kiss. The yells of protest in the back of his mind started and took over. Almost as soon as Keira let go of Jak, he turned on the closest male (which happened to be Torn) and…

Well… let's just say that Torn came pretty damn close to drinking the City's entire mouthwash supply dry. Jak drank what was left and was to be seen brushing his teeth at really random moments for the next few days. Keira could be seen sulking. The very last thing she expected Jak to do after she made-out with him was to turn on Torn and do the same thing to him.

Needless to say all these occurrences, especially what happened with Torn, had left Jak deeply confused: confused about who he was, about his sexuality, and confused about everything in general. It was fair to say that Jak needed to see a shrink rather badly.

But, unfortunately, there were no shrinks in Haven City prepared to deal with Jak's case. Sure, they would be able to diagnose Multiple Personality Syndrome pretty easily, but how many other MPS patients had _real_ alter-egos? Let alone personalities that fell in love with each other? None.

Thankfully, there was one person who could help, and that person paid a visit to Jak's house, considering that he had practically been put under house arrest by Torn… to keep him as far away as possible. It was Onin and Pecker.

The two entered, staring at Jak, or Pecker was staring at Jak. The normally tough warrior and hero had been reduced to a semi-fetal position with his head in his hands. "So…" Pecker began. "We hear you have been having Alter-Ego trouble."

"Leave me the Hell alone." Jak growled. He had long given up hope that he would ever be sane again.

"Onin asked what's wrong." Pecker translated Onin's strange symbols.

Jak looked up, his hair disheveled and dark circles under his eyes. He looked every bit insane. "What's wrong?!? I'll tell you what's wrong! My Alter-Egos are _gay_ and they're driving me insane! I can't tell which way is up or down, if I'm straight, bisexual, or gay, or even which Jak I am right now!"

"Oh." Pecker said, giggling slight. "That makes sense."

"Sense?" Jak growled. "I fail to see where the sense is in all this!"

"Than let me explain." Pecker said, translating Onin's symbols. "You are male, so that would physically make your Alter-Egos male, am I right so far?" Jak nodded. "In this sense, if they are romantically involved, they would be homosexual. But if you just look at them from an Ecological (The study of Eco) point of view, you'll see they aren't homosexuals, but heterosexuals."

Jak glanced up. "How can you tell me they're straight?"

"Dark Eco has always been considered masculine. From an Ecological stand-point, Dark is male. However, Light Eco is the opposite… feminine. So, in this way, your Light Side is female. Your Dark Side cannot see that Light is physically male, all he can see is Light Eco… a woman."

Jak shook his head. "This is almost worse than before. You're saying that Light is a female in a male's body?"

"Correct." Onin said through Pecker.

"But wait! There's more!"

"Oh no, what now?" Jak groaned.

"We know the reason for your recent insanity."

Jak snorted. "That's easy. My Alter-Egos are driving me crazy with all their flirting. Technically straight or not, I don't want to listen to it every moment of the day!"

"Well… no… not really." Pecker said. "Onin says that it is the combination of opposing Ecos inside your body. They naturally what to separate, but it is tearing your mind apart. Having opposing Ecos in containment for too long creates a violent reaction."

"Wait. In the Standard language, please, my head is throbbing." Jak groaned.

"And for good reason. Imagine that we put a Plasmite bomb in your skull. That's a pretty good idea of what would happen if we don't separate the Ecos out of your body soon." Pecker said.

Jak stared up at them. "Are you saying my head's gonna explode?!?"

"Actually, that's a pretty actuate description." Pecker said.

"So… how would we stop this?" Jak asked, trying to keep the image of his head suddenly going 'boom' out of his mind.

"The simplest way would be to perform an ancient ritual that will give all of you separate bodies and separate your three personalities forever." Pecker said.

Jak could hear his Alter-Egos celebrating in the back of his mind. It made him sick. "You know, considering my options, having my head explode doesn't sound so bad." Jak said seriously.

Pecker laughed and Onin seemed to laugh silently. "Don't be silly. Their decisions would then have nothing to do with you and you won't be affected by it anymore."

Jak glanced up. "It won't affect me anymore?"

"Never again."

"No more waking up in the middle of the night aroused for no good reason! No more making out with other guys!"

"Nope."

"Precursors, sign me up!" Jak cried.

"We knew you'd see sense in the end." Pecker said. "It is actually a very simple procedure. Just stay still and a warning, this will feel weird."

"Probably no weirder than I've felt the last few weeks." Jak reasoned.

"Very well." Pecker said as Onin began to perform a strange ritual. All three personalities held their breath, hoping it would work.

For several seconds, nothing seemed to happen. And then the strangest feeling filled the elf, sort of like he was being pulled in two different directions. An involuntary cry escaped his lips at the feeling of being torn in three different pieces.

Finally, it stopped and Jak almost fell to his knees. He could feel the presence of his two alter-egos, not in his mind, but physically on either side of him.

"Okay… you were right… that was weird." Jak admitted.

Slightly behind him, Dark and Light had immediately leapt at each other, making out wildly. But, for the first time, Jak was capable of not taking notice, and he used his new ability to ignore them completely. In the absence of his alter-egos, it was easier for him to come to grips with his own identity and sexuality.

"I… I finally know who I am! And I know my true sexuality!" Jak stood up, smiling brightly. "My name is Jak Mar and I like… no… I _worship_ boobs!"

Dark and Light, who had stopped their display of affection when Jak spoke, stared at the normal elf in confusion. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Dark asked.

"Nothing's wrong with me now, you demonic fruitcake! I'm free!" Jak celebrated. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make-out with the first girl I see!" He stormed out and did, indeed, make-out with the first woman he saw. He got slapped for his trouble. But he didn't care! He was free again!

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**LES: End of Chapter 2! To be looked forward to in the next chapter:**

**Jak's friends find out about Jak getting separated into three personalities. Now they all have to physically deal with Jak's gay Alter-Egos. Jak becomes obsessed with proving he's completely straight and no longer influenced by his Alter-Ego's sexuality. And Torn is still avoiding Jak.**

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End file.
